It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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