that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
