the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
