I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
