the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
