If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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