Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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