I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
