By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
