I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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