We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
