I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you had me at cake vodka
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
