I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
