best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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