then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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