my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
