I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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