so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
