I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
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Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.