I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
