Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...