why didn't you poke me back
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
