Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
