two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
