tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
