i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
