he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
