3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
