he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
