She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
