508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
