Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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