Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
