see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
