it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just want nice things and good sex
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
