I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
