he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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