I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
In other news, I just burned my penis
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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