If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
