i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
