Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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