Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
