why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
