Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I checked into jail on foursquare
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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