Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
