...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
