Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
try to milk me bitch
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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