Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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