Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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