Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
