I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
zippers are such a cool invention
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize