I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
