Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
