im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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