moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
