I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
