So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
