Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
