There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
