im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
