Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
