Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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