I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
