she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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