she sounds like chewbacca in bed
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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