My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
